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nelty
11-19-2000, 08:00 PM
Hi
<br>
<br>I don't know if I posted this one before. but here it is.
<br>
<br>
As she walks out that door
<br>I told her to get out, stay out
<br>I never thought I would say it
<br>I never understood why she did it
<br>I loved her once with all my heart
<br>
<br>Chorus:
<br>I tried to give her another chance
<br>But Iíve seem lost count
<br>I tried to save our vowels
<br>For the sake of our kids
<br>She just didnít seem to care
<br>
<br>Iím always away on business
<br>I have been faithful since
<br>But lately she wasnít to me
<br>I gave her everything she wanted
<br>I guess money talks after all
<br>
<br>She came one night when I was away
<br>Taking my little angles with her
<br>Knowing I would give anything
<br>Just to get her back into my arms
<br>Then and there I knew sheís hopeless
<br>
<br>Chorus
<br>
<br>I had to give her a choice
<br>We can all start over again
<br>Only if she wants to give it another try
<br>Or she can be wealthier giving my angels back
<br>She made the choice that surprise me not
<br>
<br>Chorus
<br>
<br>It plays in my head over and over again
<br>Nothing she does will ever amaze me
<br>I just never understood why
<br>She has changed so much
<br>And becoming who she is not
<br>
<br>Chorus
<br>
<br>Then and there I know that sheís hopeless
<br>Then and there I know that I have to let her go
<br>Then and there
<br>Then and there
<br>
<br>By: Nelly
<br>
<br><P>(This message has been edited by nelty)N

nelty
11-22-2000, 11:35 AM
hmmm... is this one so bad??? can someone please let me know why???
<br>
<br>Email me if you dont'want to post... gbcgfan@home.com.
<br>
<br>it's from a guy's point of view..
<br>
<br>NellyN

major tom
11-22-2000, 12:47 PM
The song is great, Nelly. :) I always love reading yours but this one confused me a bit, call it a blonde month. :rolleyes:
<br>
<br>"But Iíve seem lost count, I tried to save our vowels" <-- I know you mean vows but it is the first part that confuses me.
<br>
<br>"Or she can be wealthier giving my angels back
<br>She made the choice that surprise me not"
<br><-- how do you mean, the wife should leave but the kids should stay?
<br>
<br>As I said blonde month, but I get the overall message and do like the song.
<br>
<br>Kirsty
<br>N

nelty
11-22-2000, 06:35 PM
Hi Kristy
<br>
<br>first of all thanks...
<br>
<br>"But Iíve seem lost count, I tried to save our vowels" <-- I know you mean vows but it is the first part that confuses me.
<br>
<br>--> I meant wedding vows.. I think I spelled that wrong. Thanks. ;)
<br>
<br>"Or she can be wealthier giving my angels back
<br>She made the choice that surprise me not"
<br><-- how do you mean, the wife should leave but the kids should stay?
<br>
<br>hmmm... I thought it would be clear enough. but I guess not... what I mean was She had a choice of starting all over again OR she can be richer if the kids stay. As in the husband will give the wife an amount to give the kids back. Cause it said earlier that she took them away from him and he would give anything for the kids to come back to him again.
<br>
<br>Does that make sense??? Please let me know. Thanks. ;)
<br>
<br>Nelly
<br><P>(This message has been edited by nelty)N

Vanessa
11-23-2000, 09:22 AM
It makes perfect sense Nelly!! :) :) Very :cool:
<br>
<br>Vanessa :)N

nelty
11-23-2000, 11:49 AM
Thanks... Vanessa:)
<br>
<br>NellyN

major tom
11-23-2000, 01:00 PM
Thanks for the explanation, Nelly. :) I get it now.
<br>
<br>Kirsty <--- slow on the uptakeN

Pilgrim
11-23-2000, 01:25 PM
Thanks a lot for sharing your song Nelly:):)
<br>
<br>Another great one I would say:):)
<br>
<br>BrianN

nelty
11-23-2000, 02:04 PM
Thanks Brian. As usual..... :)
<br>
<br>Kristy. I'm glad that I could explain it. I guess I should rewrite it a little so that it's more understandable.
<br>
<br>and Thank you all for your support from the bottom of my heart. I'm really getting the hang of this.
<br>
<br>NellyN

MDgarthgirl
11-24-2000, 05:19 PM
Wow, I've been away for so long. gotta catch up.
<br>
<br>I like the idea of this song, Nelly.
<br>
<br>I can only speak for myself, but it was a little hard to warm up to. And my reason being, perhaps rather elementary, is that it doesn't rhyme. lol I know the most basic poetry lesson is to make it rhyme, and that some of the best poems don't, but...in the case of lyrics, I think they sound better when they do. If the message you want to express can be expressed in lines that rhyme, I'd recommend it. Similar to how a melody repeats its phrases to create form and structure, I like lyrics that do the same. I think they travel more "easily" to a listener's ear. (I hope that makes sense.)
<br>
<br>You may take this as advice, or as one person just speaking their mind, ok? :)
<br>
<br>NashN

nelty
11-24-2000, 05:35 PM
Hi Nash
<br>
<br>thanks for the advice.;) I'll keep that in mind. I just started writing and need all the help I can get. :) I just started writing a few months ago... LOL..
<br>
<br>Thanks for your help. Appreciate it.
<br>
<br>NellyN

BlueVelvet
11-26-2000, 07:02 AM
you are doing really well for someone who just started writing....when I started to write about 14 years ago my stuff was just horrible....the more you write and listen to songs the better you will get.
<br>this one isn't really bad...it just needs a little streamlining and a bit of spit and polish...that's where the true work of writing comes in.....
<br>
<br>have fun with it....that's the important part
<br>
<br>
<br>love and hot chocolate
<br>BV
<br>N

nelty
11-26-2000, 02:18 PM
Thanks BV...
<br>
<br>Appreciate the comments... ;) and I'm honored. I'm learning everyday... :) thanks again. I think I'm only going to write for fun.
<br>
<br>Nelly
<br>
<br>ps: I really have to learn how to cut all my poems and/or song SHORT. They are all so long. LOL. N