Songs for Garth's album - critiques needed please

[Buck]

Jason & others,
<br>Thanks for the encoragement to post my stuff here for critique. I realize it's hard to "hear" music presented like this, but appreciate your input.
<br>
<br>This first one I wrote with another PG member, Darrell Spells.
<br>
<br>
<br>"Forgetting You"
<br>(long title "I Forgot - I'm Forgetting You")
<br>
<br>
<br>I heard our favorite song just yesterday
<br>It made we wonder how you're doing and what you'd have to say
<br>Then the memory that you're gone came crashing through
<br>I forgot - I'm forgetting you.
<br>
<br>Today your photo fell down to the floor
<br>It reminded me of what we had when you walked out the door
<br>As I stared down at the loving face I knew
<br>I forgot - I'm forgetting you.
<br>
<br>Chorus:
<br>I'm forgetting all the pain your leaving brought me
<br>It gets better as I go from day to day
<br>But sometimes I still imagine you're beside me
<br>and it's so easy just to feel the same old way.
<br>Someday I won't recall the way you left me
<br>and I'll put the past behind and start out new
<br>Then I'll find someone to love and build a life with
<br>when I remember that I'm forgetting you.
<br>
<br>
<br>It's so hard to understand you're really gone
<br>I must admit I'm not so sure how long I can go on
<br>and it hurts to think of you with someone new
<br>But I forgot, I'm forgetting you.
<br>
<br>Repeat Chorus
<br>
<br>
<br>@10/00 Shields/Spells
<br>
<br>N

[Vanessa]

Very very :cool: Thanks so much fer sharing!! :) :)
<br>
<br>Vanessa :)N

[Buck]

Thanks, Vanessa.
<br>
<br>Here's one for fun.
<br>
<br>Come and Get Her
<br>
<br>I've got a message for you, Man, you know who you are
<br>the guy with the Stetson and the big fancy car
<br>the man who has it all, and had to have my wife.
<br>She cries at night when I come home
<br>and tells me "Please just leave me alone,"
<br>since you stepped in with them boots and interfered in my life.
<br>---
<br>Chorus:
<br>Hey, fella who can't get enough. You know she's made of fickle stuff
<br>She's always looking around for something better.
<br>I've been dreaming about the single life, if I could get shed of this cheating wife
<br>and then you sent her roses and that love letter.
<br>Well you wanted her, my friend, so come and get her.
<br>---
<br>
<br>I've been waiting for years til you came along
<br>to woo my woman with your wine and your song
<br>So get on down here, Bud, and finish what you started.
<br>You know she thinks that you're Mr. Right,
<br>and I ain't gonna put up any fight
<br>so don't think you're gonna leave me all broken-hearted.
<br>
<br>(Repeat Chorus)
<br>
<br>(Spoken over music to fade out.)
<br>Get on down here...
<br>She's yours now, Buddy...
<br>Thank yeewwww - You're my new best friend.
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>@ 5/99 ShieldsN

[MDgarthgirl]

Two nice works, Buck (and Darrell). :):)
<br>Hope to see more.
<br>
<br>I like the "when I remember I'm forgetting you" in the first.
<br>
<br>Got a question... is your subject title an implication that you're gonna submit it for Garth and Mr. Reynolds as a demo? If so, lots o'luck to ya.
<br>
<br>Take Care,
<br>NashN

[Pilgrim]

Very very very cool:):):)
<br>
<br>Great song:)
<br>
<br>BrianN

[Buck]

Thanks, Brian and Nash. Yes, I'm gonna submit them to Garth, but likely as lyrics only, unless I can find a musician to take the tunes in my head and put them on tape. I don't read, write or play music.
<br>
<br>During Garth's press conference he issued an invitation to songwriters. I understand he indicated it could be written material as well as sound material. As a writer, I've had plenty of rejection letters. I don't let them get to me anymore. My dream was always to songwrite with Garth, but this is as close as I'll ever get. That's why I'm seeking honest, critiques. Gotta send my best efforts.
<br>
<br>If you guys don't mind I'll throw another at ya? And I apologize for being so long-winded on these posts. This is important to me.
<br>
<br>Buck
<br>
<br>
<br>"If A Call Comes From Houston"
<br>
<br>She told me she needed some time to decide
<br>exactly where she wants to be
<br>Her old flame has tried to ignite a new spark
<br>and she's going to Houston to see..
<br>She'll call me tonight if she wants to come home
<br>and I'll pick her up at the train
<br>She knows I'll be here at our favorite bar
<br>staring out at the west Texas rain.
<br>
<br>----
<br>Chorus:
<br>Laura said that she'd phone
<br>if she wants to come home
<br>I'll be waiting right here all night long.
<br>Stay away from that line
<br>til I know if she's mind.
<br>If a call comes from Houston, I'm gone.
<br>----
<br>
<br>The cowboys are having a mighty good time
<br>but I'm sitting here all alone
<br>They're sippin Jack Daniels and I'm getting dry
<br>Hey, Charley, did I hear the phone?
<br>
<br>----------------optional verse-----------------------
<br>The place seems too crowded and there's so much noise
<br>if it rings, I'm afraid I won't hear
<br>I should't be drinkin, I may have to drive
<br>but I think I might have just one beer.
<br>------------------------------------------------------
<br>
<br>It's a quarter to three and I'm ready to leave
<br>guess this romance was not meant to be
<br>As I open the door Charley answers the phone
<br>and this time the call is for me.
<br>
<br>Repeat Chorus
<br>
<br>
<br>@Shields
<br>N

[major tom]

Three great songs, Buck. :) The first one is my favourite and I'd love to hear Garth sing it. :) :)
<br>
<br>KirstyN

[MDgarthgirl]

That's awesome, Buck. Good luck to ya.
<br>You and I are somewhat in the same boat with music. Lyrics come more naturally. I've only gotten music to one of mine, and if I could play my guitar worth a d**n, lol, it would sound okay. Still struggling to switch chords.
<br>
<br>Your most recent is the most unique, I think. Very nice imagery.
<br>
<br>Nash
<br>N

[littlebit]

Very cool songs, Buck. Good luck with submitting them. i really like Forgetting you.
<br>
<br>take care,
<br>
<br>deAnnalynnN

[Buck]

Many thanks, y'all. Can you stand another? This is a work in progress because I think it needs a longer chorus.
<br>
<br>
<br>"Any More/Any Less"
<br>
<br>I hoped the time would never come
<br>we'd have to say goodbye
<br>Since you're the one who's breaking up
<br>I should be the one to cry.
<br>
<br>Well, I know all about the other man
<br>who changed your love for me
<br>and I understand the quiet tears
<br>you tried not to let me see.
<br>
<br>Chorus:
<br>So don't cry, darlin', come dry your eyes
<br>and give me just one last kiss
<br>Cause I don't love you anymore
<br>but I don't love you any less.
<br>
<br>I can't really say that it's a surprise
<br>it's been written all over your face.
<br>I knew the minute he came along
<br>and began to take my place.
<br>
<br>But I think I'm taking it very well
<br>Don't worry, I'll be ok
<br>Better go on now, and don't look back
<br>or else I'll beg you to stay.
<br>
<br>Repeat Chorus
<br>
<br>@Shields
<br>
<br>----
<br>
<br>BuckN

[splitzer]

I REALLY REALLY like "Forgetting You" and I like "If A Call Comes From Houston." The other two are good, also. The second one may or may not be liked on an overall basis... (i know, i know, duh.) What I mean is that it is kinda... not to some people's tastes. "Please come take my wife, I don't love her, I hope she runs off with another man" but in a comical view? It just sits funny with me. I might be the minority, though.
<br>
<br>You are very talented, though, I must say!!
<br>
<br>Garth Always,
<br>Danielle
<br>N

[MDgarthgirl]

I like your latest, Buck, it's a sweet idea. But I have one suggestion. Feel free not to take it of course. The woman is the one leaving cuz she doesn't love him anymore and the verses suggest that he still loves her. Would it not be possible to have the chorus say "you don't love me anymore, but I don't love you any less"? I may be missing the point and if so, I apologize. Just for some reason the guy saying he doesn't love her anymore caught my eye the wrong way.
<br>
<br>Hope to read more,
<br>NashN

[Buck]

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I'm still trying to get music added, but may send on just the lyrics if I can't get it done. (though it may hurt my chances of being taken seriously.)
<br>
<br>Danielle, I understand. The comical view of splitting up a marriage isn't everyone's cup of tea. Since I've been there, I can look back on it as wishing someone had come along earlier and put me out of my misery, but at the time it was really hard. Alot of tears, alot of feeling like a failure. The song is meant totally as a tongue-in-cheek look at a cheating woman and a fed-up man. If it comes off as a spoof, then I've accomplished what I intended.
<br>
<br>Nash, nice idea. I'll take a look at changing it around...makes sense to me.
<br>
<br>Thanks again all of you.
<br>
<br>BuckN

[splitzer]

You're welcome, Buck.
<br>
<br>No, I guess the comical view of a marriage splitting up isn't my cup of tea. *shrug*
<br>
<br>If you have more, send 'em our way! I really enjoy reading your stuff!
<br>
<br>Garth Always,
<br>DanielleN