View Full Version : Garth's Decision

12-15-1999, 06:44 PM
I know everyone has been posting about Garth's announcement on C & C today. I heard it on the radio at work before even getting to see the tape when I got home. I'll apologize right now for how long, and personal, this is going to be. It's not so much about Garth calling it quits as it is his reason why--that he wants to be a better father. I guess I'm curious if anyone feels the same way I do, so please tell me what you think.<P>First of all, we all have to support him. If this is what Garth needs to do to be happy, I can deal with that. I'm not going to be selfish and hope he changes his mind. It may kill us to have to accept this, but only he and Sandy know what's right for their family. It's just that from my perspective, I've seen their girls as being very lucky. Now before anyone starts saying that Garth isn't perfect and he does need more time at home, let me explain.<P>When I was 17, my parents got a LONG overdue divorce. As long as I can remember, they never got along at all. Needless to say, my father never treated us very well. In the five years since the divorce, we've had no contact with him. That's also exactly the way we want it, and had for some time before the divorce. That may sound harsh, but I'd have to go into a lot more detail than I'm willing to really explain.<P>Anyway, here is my point. Everytime I have heard Garth saying he hasn't been the father he should be, I think of everything I've been through with my father. It makes me think how lucky his girls are to have a father that loves them so much. There have been many times I've found myself starting to cry when Garth talks about the girls, because he'll never see it that way. The bottom line is, I think Garth is too hard on himself about being a good father. The reason for that is that his parents devoted so much time to their kids, and he's always felt his mom gave up her career for them. It's all he knows. A lot of people are not so fortunate. There are also many entertainers who manage to balance being on the road with taking care of their family, and seem to do pretty well.<P>Now I'm not saying that Garth has been the perfect father. As an outsider to the situation, all any of us can say is that he seems to have tried VERY hard to be a good father. That's A LOT more than I had, and to me, it makes those girls EXTREMELY lucky. It's not that I would say he's making the right, or wrong, decision. That's not for us to say. I just think he's being too tough on himself sometimes when it comes to being a father.<P>So there it is. I had to get this off my chest, because I've felt this way for a long time. I would tell him myself if I got the chance. I also wondered if anyone else who may have been in a similar situation has ever felt the same way. I may be opening up a can of worms here, but feel free to give me some feedback.<P>LisaN

Cathy Welch
12-16-1999, 07:52 AM
Lisa:<P>Had to reply to your post. Finally, someone who is on the same wavelength as me. You've hit the nail on the head with this one!<P>On balance, I'm sure that Garth spends more time with those girls than many other parents (mothers and fathers alike) get to spend with their kids. Broken homes, parents working different shifts, night shifts, you name it, it's out there!<P>Garth has always been way to tough on himself. He had an "ideal" parenting situation and tries too hard to live up to that, but as we all know the life circumstances are just not the same.<P>I grew up with a single mom after my dad died and before my stepfather came into my life. I give my Mom credit for going back to work and hanging on to our house for my sister and I. Maybe I didn't see her as much as I would have liked, but I knew she was doing what she had to do to make the best life for us. Then my stepdad came along and like the song says became "the dad he didn't have to be". No ideal parenting situation here, but it worked for us.<P>My point here is just what you said, those girls are very lucky to have a dad that loves them so much. He may not be there a lot, but I'm sure they are loved to pieces when he is home. I don't see any problem with that sort of relationship. It's way better than a lot of kids get.<P>IMO, I think a lot of his thinking comes from a major burnout this year. A big let down after the tour ended, the CG thing getting trashed and his Mom dying. There's been no time to properly grieve. To get really psychological, I do believe his Mom giving up her career for her kids has laid a major guilt trip on him (if only in his own mind).<P>I could be way off here, but thanks again Lisa for putting this perspective out there. I'm with you on this one.<P>CathyN

12-16-1999, 08:51 AM
You are so right.<P>My kids don't have thier father, he lives in the same city, but never sees them, thank God they have a great stepdad now, but before he came along, my kids had written to Garth to tell him they want to be like him and wished their dad was like him.<BR>They think their dad hates them because he doesn't call or anything, and have seen my 10 year old cry when Garth talks about his kids.<P>When Taylor, August and Allie grow up and see all the interviews that Garth has done and always talks so sweet about them, they will for sure know that their daddy always loved them and thought of them, I sure wish my kids could be as lucky<P>And on the other hand......I had my dad around all the time and never heard him say I love you, I would have been happier if he was not around just to hear those words, they mean so much to a kid.<P>So Garth is way too hard on himself, I have always thought that, he never sees the good he does, always what others do.<P>N

12-16-1999, 11:43 AM
Hey you guys are so right<BR>My dad died 22 years ago at 51. He worked every day up until his sudden death. He had been seriously ill since he was 42 but my mother made him go to work as then we didn't get benefits like sick pay etc. He had 6 heart attacks in those years and the sixth finally took him. My mum used to say he was always working and he was cos we needed the money but when he needed love and affection she was not there for him just nagging him to go back to work and onto another heart attack. <BR>My husband now works alot, we are not desperate for money like back then, but he also plays hard-football well refereeing then a few weeks ago a fellow collegue died whilst refereeing a match he was 42.<BR>Garth should take time out regenerate, grieve and get back to family life. He will miss it and I hope - I am sure - he will be back. He must look after number one and that is him and then his family.<BR>Sorry this is so long<BR>Go Garth. N

12-16-1999, 11:55 AM
Thanks for sharing those personal stories.<P>Well, my dad passed away this summer because of pancreas cancer. Therefore, whenever Garth talks about his girls and how much he has missed them, I am really happy for the girls :) <P>It's great to know that when your parents love you. <P>Like most of you have said, Garth is trying to live up the standard which his mom had done when he was young. Now that Garth wants to be a good dad (meaning being with them physically), so he has decided to make a retirement announcement (or semi-retirement). <P>Tommy<P>N

12-16-1999, 06:40 PM
Thanks for the feedback guys. I knew there would be other people who would understand where I was coming from. I admire and respect Garth SSSSOOOOO much for wanting to be the best father he possibly can. As has been said though, he's build up an ideal that virtually no one is lucky enough to have. I too had my father around all the time (as he wasn't able to work), and never once can remember hearing the words "I love you" come out of his mouth. I'd have traded any amount of time with him just for that. My mom was the one my sister and I both have always been close with. She always seemed to be at work, but she let us know that she cared when she was there. I bet Garth tells his girls he loves them every single day, even if it has to be over the phone. No matter what he chooses to do in the future, they'll always know their dad loves them very much. That's all that really matters.<P>LisaN

12-17-1999, 03:39 PM
My Mom & Dad were married 42 years when my Mom died. My Dad was a depression baby; raised by a woman with little affection left after 14 babies and a husband who drank away every dime she made by cooking and taking in laundry. My Dad went to work at age 9, by age 19 he was a disabled veteran. While I know he worked hard, out of love, to give the 5 of us everything he never had, he was a harsh and undemonstrative man. Whenever I said "Hi, Dad" I never knew if I would be answered verbally or physically. I wish I had had Garth's upbringing; my household was not so 'totally cool'. Punishment in my house was swift, often undeserved, and usually involved trips to the ER.<P>I think Garth is to be admired for taking the stand that he IS responsible for fathering these precious 3 lives. While I think God has granted him a soul full of music waiting to be released, I also think God will hold him while he takes care of his family. The music will bubble and well inside and when it can no more be contained I think Garth will, perhaps, record.<P>Garth, if you read these boards, God grant you the fulfillment you seek with your three beautiful girls. Your music touches souls; your legacy, however, is Taylor, August and Allie. God bless you.N