Dear friends, I come to you with sad news. I am using my sistah's gmail addy.
This is Teresa Morrison, from Athens, GA. I am the EVIL WICKED twin sistah
to Teresa Morris from Athens, AL. I am taking it upon myself to pass along
some devastating news. I was alerted by the family yesterday that a tragedy
had taken place at the Morris home. I am just at a loss for words. I can't
explain it so I am just going to leave you with the news article I found in
the late evening addition of the Athens Gossip Rag dated 6-8-99. By the way,
this IS a reliable article. Afterall, the Athens Gossip Rag is a member of
the G-sociated Press.
"FANTASIZIN BOUT THE AGONIZIN, FRUSTRATIN, AGITATIN GARTH IN YA BACKYARD
CONTEST ANNOUNCEMENT DOES LOCAL FAN IN FOR GOOD!"
Teresa Morris passed away today. She is reported to have died from Garth
Brooks Stress-Induced Anxiety over some sort of backyard issue.
Her last reported words were "Alabama? WHY couldn't it have been someone in
Alaska at least THEN, I wouldn't have to wonderrrrrrrrrrr anymoreeeeeeeeee?!"
The local police are reportedly dumbfounded and have NO clues as to what that
cryptic message meant. No one is to be considered wanted nor as a suspect at
this time, due to the cause of death being clearly accidental. However, the
authorities would like to question her closest group of friends. They say
some odd symbol regarding a circle and a "g" were found lying around all over
the house.
Mrs. Morris is said to have been found in her living room surrounded by a
Cookie Monster, seven completely dried out blue ink pens, and over a million
blank entry forms pertaining to the said BackYard Contest. She was clad in
seven layers of Garth Brooks t-shirts, a pair of Roper boots, and her
Wrangler jeans. The seven layers of shirts are really baffling since Athens
reported a heat index today of 97 degrees, with a humidity of 107%.
Her husband and children said she'd been acting highly unusual (even for her)
for about a month. She's reported to have had eating & digestion problems,
her hair was falling out, she was having problems with ditzyiness,
(correction) dizzyness, sleep disorders, and vivid hallucinations.
An odd coincidence involving a local Postal Worker is being looked into. The
mail carrier had refused seven days earlier to deliver any more mail to the
Morris home. He filed a complaint stating that she was running up the
driveway, snapping at the tires on the truck, scratching at the doors,
screaming wildly "WHERE IS MY NOTIFICATION?" He asked to remain unidentified
but is visibly shaken.
A neighbor also reports late yesterday afternoon seeing Ms. Morris out on the
front porch with a sledgehammer and a shot gun. She had lain all the home
telephones along with a cellular phone and pager on the porch and was
reportedly screaming "RING! I MEAN IT! RING NOW OR YOUR A GONER! COME
ON...JUST ONE LIL RINGY DINGY! WHERE'S MY NOTIFICATION CALL?" The neighbor
also asked to remain anonymous.
Today a flag with the familiar circle g hangs at half mast inside the blue
rose garden outside the Morris home. Beside it sits a pedestal. A mourner
standing by the garden said it was reportedly for a BlueGarthBall that was
supposedly in route to the home.
The family is honoring a list of final requests by Ms. Morris. If you choose
to send flowers, please make sure you send Blue Roses. They also ask that if
you wish to honor her memory, do so with a donation to Touch Em All
Foundation.
Wristbands for the Memorial service will be given out tomorrow starting at
noon. Having a wristband does NOT guarantee you a seat at the services, only
a place in line to get a ticket. Tickets will be sold on Saturday June 12th
at 7:00 a.m. Due to the expected large turnout, this was the only fair way
the family knew to conduct the services. For those wishing to attend from
out of state, a special number has been set up. You may call 1-800-HAD-ENUF.
Tickets are $7.77. Please make all checks or money orders payable to the:
Saint Jason Gettin Back All That Money She Spent On Garth Brooks Fund. Credit
cards will NOT be accepted as Mr. Morris is reported to be highly leery of
any woman with a credit card. The first two rows for the service will remain
unsold. It is rumored a close-knit group of ASSociates will be upgrading
mourners to these seats. There is already a rumor running rampant that Garth
Brooks will show up and sing her favorite song "The Dance." He will of
course, sign autographs afterwards, but he only has 23 hours. (Something
about he can only hold it so long?)
Garth Brooks was contacted and reportedly released this statement. "Though my
heart is broken, I just can't help but laugh. The girl went out just the way
I always knew she would. She left us all smiling with her determination and
unshakable belief. Gosh, I just wish she'd hung on a little longer. She won!
I was going to call her Friday and the mailing was set to go out today!"
The husband and two daughters were not surprised by this sad turn of events.
Their only comment was, like she always said, "IT'S ALL HIS FAULT!"
GP Article 6-8-99 4:41 p.m.
