Since I'm being so forward, a private dance with Chris
Gaines would be great too....just make sure he is wearin those tights!
Now Santa Garth, I know this one is a stretch but hey...its Christmas and
what better time for wishes? Can you do something about Brandon, ya know, my
Sugarbritches? I mean, he really has a problem with me. Poor man lives in
fear of each column I turn in for publication on Planet Garth. He has
practically given up on me. I know how I am. I can't help myself. But,
after all, it is ALWAYS your fault. So, can you maybe design a web program
for him that automatically edits all my columns for words like "woohoo,
stubble, swivel and thrust"? I know Sugarbritches would feel much safer that
way and really be able to enjoy not only Christmas but every day of the year.
Santa Garth, I am still waitin patiently (yeah RIGHT!) on that campfire. I
know you got the matches, sticks, marshmallows, hot dawg and buns. So
anytime you're ready just holler. I already got the perfect location in
mind. That would be the ultimate present. Talk bout a fantasy come true!
Psst...you ain't even gotta wear no red suit, your Wranglers will be JUST
fine.
Lastly, dearest Santa Garth, I ask for happiness and peace. For all my
Garthnutt friends, all my fellow PG'ers, for my sistahs of the heart, and for
you and your family. I reckon if that's the only thang you can
manage...it'll be just fine. After all, I have been on that naughty list for
at least seven years in a row!
I will be sure to leave you some fresh hot yummie right outta the oven
cookies and a big ole glass of cold milk.
Santa Garth it wouldn't be right to end this letter here, so my P.S. is a
story meant to spread Christmas cheer.
"TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE GARTHMAS"
Twas the night before Garthmas and all through Garthland, not a Garthnutt was
stirring, they were all sleepin sound.
Their stockings were hung by their computer desks with care, in hopes Santa
Garth soon would be there.
Dressed in their Garth night shirts, all snuggled in bed, while visions of
swivels danced in their heads.
Amidst the twinklin lights on my GarthOrnaments tree, with my hubby snoring
loudly, I dreamed a sweet dream.
Then outside I heard a loud WOOHOO of shouts, I jumped up! Santa Garth had
arrived without a doubt.
Away to the window I stumbled and cussed, I hit my foot on the Garth standup
in my dadgummed rush.
I threw back them curtains and ripped down the mini blind and oh la la, there
he stood....lookin SOOOOOO fine!
The moon cast a glare on the new fallen snow....its snowin in Bama....Santa
Garth....how can this be so?
Soon I realized in my dream induced haze, the glare was Santa Garth's smile
that left me in a daze.
When what to my delighted eyes should appear, but Chris Gaines from the dark,
wearin his tights. OHMYDEAR!
With a squeal of amazement I could not believe my luck. I was gettin them
both and they were in a big truck!
I knew in a moment this wasn't no dream. Santa Garth was wearin a hat and
tight Wrangler jeans.
More rapid than my heartbeat at the moment his eyes met mine, he whistled and
shouted, "Girl, its party time!"
Now, get out the music, "Fresh Horses" and "Sevens" we'll dance and sing and
talk longggggggg past eleven.
To the woods we will go for a nice warm campfire, we'll tell lies and laugh,
and walk that tight wire.
I couldn't help but smile to myself. Santa Garth and Chris Gaines I was
doubly blessed!
In the door came Santa Garth with a leap and a bound. GB was jammin this one
horse town.
He was dressed all in black cept for his blue shirt that matched his eyes
perfectly....he was so yummie it hurt!
His clothes had not one wrinkle, all starched and all pressed, Santa Garth
looked so good and I'd expected no less.
A bundle of Garth goodies were flung over his back and a long list of naughty
Garthnutts fell out of the sack.
His eyes of blue, how they twinkled! His smile, a perfect seven! His lips
were like silk, and his Wrangler butt was like heaven!
Tween his cute thunder thighs and his bowlegged walk I got so tore up I
couldn't even talk.
I started to stare, to my delight I did see. There it was! What I longed
for! He was NOT stubble-free!
That stubble on his chin could make any good GarthGutternutt sin. I knew
then for sure, I was on the naughty list again.
A wireless mic was in front of his face and the lights began to shimmer as he
rose into space.
He had such a giggle as he started to fly over the crowd that had gathered to
watch Santa Garth in the sky.
He was such a sneaky hot elf and I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself.
With a wink of his eye and a pat of his heart, I knew that this wild night
was just bout to start.
He sung every word as he went bout his work, fillin my stockin with
Garthgoodies as he swiveled, then he turned with a jerk.
With that wild crazy grin and those glazed over eyes, I knew that soon it'd
be time to say my goodbyes.
One last sweet kiss and big ole GarthSqueezie, I felt warm all over and a lil
bit dizzy.
He jumped in his truck, yelled "Chris, let's get goin! Cause daylight is
comin and Oklahoma is callin."
But I heard him yell out one last time as he drove down the road, "Just keep
being naughty, I expect it you know? I'll be back next year! HO HO HO HO!"
Teresa Morris
