On August 6, 1999 God saw fit to take from this Earth a beautiful woman loved
by many
but loved by none so much as by her own family. Colleen Carroll Brooks faced
many
challenges and obstacles before she answered God’s call to come home to
heaven. She
answered each with a strong will, with a tremendous amount of dignity and
with an
undeniable strength of faith and courage. She lived out her days with her
head held high
always meeting the fans, always taking the time to share what we offered her.
Mostly she
lived out her days doing what she loved most, spending time with her family.
This column
is dedicated to her memory, a celebration of her life.
Where do I begin? There were so many times and ways that this wonderful woman
touched my life. So many ways she brought a smile to my face. Looking back,
I’m not
sure how exactly that came to be. Somehow, I was graced to have her become a
part of
my life. It was a blessing and a presence in my life that I truly treasured.
My first
connection to her was just one of those weird quirks of fate that just make
me look back
now and smile. A friend graciously paved that way for me and I was and
always will be
blessed because of that kindness and trust in me.
Colleen “Mama” Brooks became the sounding board for countless dreams and
hopes,
realities reached, ramblings of day to day life, looks into my past, and
wishes for my
future. Whatever my life held, I could somehow always share it with her. She
was a good
friend, one I could always pour out my heart and soul to. One I could always
speak freely
to.
I shared with her your funny stories, your enthusiastic posts about getting a
Garth hug,
your wild and wacky tales about ticket sale days, and all those frantic
moments leading up
to the big day of the concert. I shared with her countless reviews of the
concerts seen
through the eyes of the fans. I always tried to share with her what was in
the hearts of
Garth’s fans.
My life has given me many wonderful gifts and countless blessings. However
there’s one
place in my life that I’ve never had fulfillment. That place was having
someone I could
relate to honestly and unconditionally like a Mom. It’s something that I’ve
always longed
for but many things have prevented it and I honestly don’t see that ever
changing. Nothing
can ever take the place of a Mom who listens with her heart, a mom who loves
unconditionally, a Mom you can tell anything to, a Mom who loves you despite
all your
faults and shortcomings. My life has not given me that, but, Colleen helped
fill that empty
void. She listened when no one else ever had. She gave my words, my
thoughts, my
feelings, a home. There’s no way to tell you how I treasured that. There’s
also no way to
tell you how I have missed that. She was never meant to be a replacement for
the Mother
that God gave me. There was never that intent. She was just a very gracious
lady who
found it in her heart to lend me an ear and extend her hand in friendship.
God has given me pleasant sweet reminders of her since her passing. Always
unexpected,
but I see them and my heart begins to smile. I’ve never had violets in my
yard before. We
never planted them. This Spring, almost seemingly overnight, dozens of purple
violets
began to bloom. I watched in awe each day as bloom after bloom filled my
yard. Every
day, I looked upon each as a tiny miracle. My daughters, Kayla and Lindsey
would go out
in the yard and come back with their hands full of the violets. They had a
special name for
them that always left me wiping away a tear as they put them in a tiny vase
on our kitchen
table.
Knowing more so than anything else, that Colleen also left an impression on
the hearts of
my girls, means more than anything else. My youngest daughter Lindsey is very
intuitive
and has saw over the years how Colleen’s influence has affected my outlook on
life
concerning her and her sister. She’s often heard me speak of her tremendous
courage in
the face of overwhelming odds and of the ways in which Colleen always put her
family
first.
My girls only met Colleen once and I will never forget that moment. My girls
went
straight into her arms and called her “Mama Brooks” as if they’d known her
forever. She
wrapped them both into a tight hug and called them “angels.” They were both
so in awe
of the way she took them into her arms and hugged them tight. This is not a
response my
daughters are accustomed to as they lost their paternal Grandmother a few
years ago after
a long illness and they are not close to their maternal Grandmother. During
her illness
they sent her homemade cards and notes and I pray they brightened her spirits
and always
left her with a smile.
Through what I learned from her example about caring for her own children and
putting
family first, my girls have benefited so much. I’ve tried to learn over the
years that they
will only truly be young once and there will come a day when they don’t need
or rely on
me so much. I’ve given up some dreams and wants so I could be here for my
girls. I’ve
done it with love in my heart. I have to say that I have her to thank for
reminding me
that’s what I’m meant to do.
There was one time in particular when Colleen truly showed me what courage
and dignity
are. After some time had passed with Lindsey experiencing some medical
problems we
took her in for an appointment with her pediatrician. After finding an
unusual growth in
her throat we were sent to a specialist. The specialist was highly concerned
about the size,
shape and appearance of the growth and prepared me that we were looking at a
possible
lymphoma situation. At the time we were going through an insurance change
and had to
wait for coverage to approve the removal of the growth and the biopsy. At a
time when
time seems of the most importance, a million horrible scary thoughts can
totally dominate
and take over your life.
I’ll never forget the compassion that Colleen shown to me when Lindsey was
diagnosed
with the growth in her throat those few years ago. Even though she was going
through
you own uncertainty with cancer, she never hesitated to take the time to talk
to me about
what I was going through with my daughter. Her voice, on the darkest of days,
made all
the difference in the world to me. She gave me strength. She gave me
courage. She gave
me hope. Looking back now, I think most importantly, she reassured me it was
okay to
be scared and to cry, away from my daughter, but to smile and laugh in her
presence.
Most of all she lead me to acceptance that it was God’s Will, not mine, that
would be
done.
Today, my daughter Lindsey thrives and grows and becomes more beautiful with
each
passing day. Going without the important extended family support that I
needed so much
at that time was very upsetting. I still thank God every day that Colleen
was willing to
share her experience, her strength, and her hope with me as I waited out the
days before
the surgery and biopsy results. I thank God that I was able to share the news
with her
when the results came back. Her support made all the difference in the world
in how I was
able to handle the situation, not just for myself, but as a Mama to my
daughter.
One of the things that I will miss most about Colleen is that she always
seemed to love
Christmas and shared in the magic of the holiday. Since I was blessed to
come to know
her she never failed to remember me and my family at Christmas. It was always
such a joy
to see that familiar handwriting wishing my family a wonderful holiday. I’ll
never forget
the year I wrote “The Greatest Gift” column for Planet Garth. I was sitting
here wrapping
presents and she called to tell me she’d just read it and what it meant to
her. I’ll never
forget what she said to me. That was probably the most personal of any piece
I’ve ever
written and in her, I found it the most understood and accepted.
Garth brought her to me, as he has always brought so many blessings into my
life. I came
to her, a fan of her son’s. It didn’t take long for me to realize, I was
also a fan of Colleen.
She was a wonderful role model, my heroine. I found in her dignity, trust,
faith, values,
honesty, loyalty, and a strong sense of family. She was a fighter, strong
and passionate.
She was full of a relentless spirit that sparkled in her eyes and in her
laughter. She
possessed a fire and commitment to those she loved. She gave of herself and
her family
with trust and I always marveled at how easily that came. She was the
mother of one of
the world’s most famous entertainers...but she was just as down-home,
friendly, and
loving as they come. Her arms were always open, just like her heart.
I’ve tried to remember when I started calling her “Mama Brooks”. Somehow,
that came
easily to. It was a comfortable fit because I shared so much with her of my
own life. As
much as she was never meant to be a Mom to me, I thank God each day, that
for a few
years in my life, I was given someone I could truly let my guard down with
and pour out
my thoughts and feelings to. For a few years in my life, I was given a
chance to know
what it meant to be treated with trust and accepted without condition. For a
few years in
my life, I was given a chance to be able to express my dreams without fear,
to share my
hopes without ridicule and to just be myself. That was one of the greatest
gifts anyone has
even given to me. Those few years taught me why it is so important to give
those things to
my girls. They will have what I was given in those few years. Hopefully,
when they call
me “Mama” it will be not just a title, but a term of endearment and respect,
as it was when
I called her “Mama Brooks.”
Looking back there is only one real regret. I think of it everytime I see a
big ole shade
tree. It was a wonderful dream. A beautiful “one of these days” dreams to
look forward
to. I’m so sorry it never came to be a reality. Maybe, just maybe, there are
big ole shade
trees in heaven. And, one of these years, when time doesn’t matter anymore,
and life on
Earth is over, we’ll finally have that long talk we so mischieveoulsy laughed
about. All
those stories that were left untold...
I think of Colleen “Mama” Brooks often. Whether it is in the growth of wild
violets or the
blooms of my blue rose garden, I am reminded of her and what she had come to
mean to
my life. On occasion, God will put a tint of purple in the setting sun and
for some reason,
I will be drawn outside to see its glory. Those times are when I can’t help
but smile as I
wipe a tear from my eye.
I loved Mama Brooks....always will. I will never forget her, her sweet
reassuring voice,
her heartfelt laughter, her beautiful smile, and her arms open to a hug
filled with love.
She showed by example what grace, dignity, courage and love truly mean. I
will always
fail to live up to those standards, but thank God, she gave me a reason and a
will to try. A
reason and a will nobody else had ever given me before. For myself and for
my own
children, I will be forever grateful for that. Both my girls and I will
continue to grow and
become better people hopefully from what her example taught me.
Most of all, let’s all remember Garth and his family especially this month as
they pass this
mark in time, the first full year without their beloved wife and Mom. Pray
they are given
the strength they need each day to cherish past memories and have hope for
the future.
Allow them the space and time they need while continuing to share with them
your
support and love.
Lastly, I urge you all on August 6th to do something in your own personal way
to
celebrate the life that Colleen Carroll Brooks lived. Try not so much to
dwell on her
passing, but to rejoice in the loving spirit she shared with us all. Send a
donation in her
honor to the Touch Em All Foundation, Make A Wish, or the American Cancer
Society.
Call your local radio station and dedicate “It’s Your Song” to her. Plant a
rose bush in
her memory and watch it bloom and rejoice in its beauty. Look upward and
smile when
the sun begins to set...I have no doubt in my heart, it will cast a purple
glow that evening.
Teresa Morris
